


Find Your Meaning

by MSpataro210



Series: Season 12 Inspired [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel Feels Meaningless, Coda to 12x07, Cute Castiel, Cute Dean, Dean Gives a Motivational Speech, M/M, Ocean, Sunrises, beach, hand-holding, rock never dies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-04
Updated: 2016-12-04
Packaged: 2018-09-06 11:59:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8749963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MSpataro210/pseuds/MSpataro210
Summary: After fighting Lucifer, the four men decided to get some rest before heading back to the Bunker.  In the night Castiel leaves, and only one person notices.  Dean finds Castiel on a bench near the boardwalk after hours of searching.  He wants to know why Castiel left, again, and more importantly what's been going on in his angel's head.  He's wanted to know that for a long time, and maybe today he gets his answer.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all enjoy reading this!

           “Enjoying the view?”

            Castiel looks to his left where Dean stands above him. He’s still dressed in his outfit from earlier, and the black leather stands out against the orange-ing sky. Castiel turns back to where he was looking before: the sun rising out of the ocean. The water glistens and reflects beams everywhere, hitting random places on the boardwalk, like his face. It doesn’t bother him.

            “Objectively, it is one of the most beautiful things any human can see,” Castiel answers, robotically “Many have philosophized it being the same as viewing the face of God, but that is highly inaccurate-“

            “Cas I didn’t ask for a lecture, I asked for your opinion.”

            “Oh,” Cas says, “Then, uh, yes. I am.”

            Dean rolls his eyes, smiling, before walking around the bench. He goes to sit, only to pause.

            “Mind if I join you?”

            “You’re already here,” Castiel shrugs. Dean sits. He throws his legs up on the railing and relaxes, arms going behind his head. Castiel looks at him out of the corner of his eye and smiles.

            “So,” Dean starts, “Is there a reason you ditched us?”

            “I’d never ditch you,” Castiel says almost immediately. He blushes, “I mean-I just needed some… air. Crowley can be quite, uh, annoying.”

            “Yeah, traveling with Crowley can be a bit much,” Dean smirks, “thankfully most of what I can remember is blurred by alcohol or sex.”

            “I forgot you two spent some time together,” Castiel smiles, small.

            “Yeah,” Dean laughs, “when I was a de… mon…”

            Dean looks away, the mirth draining from his face. Castiel’s smile falls as he looks back out at the ocean, getting lost in the waves. The sun is bright and full, and the sky is returning to its usual shade of blue.

            Dean clears his throat.

            “Yes?”

            “Are you alright?”

            Castiel looks at Dean again from the corner of his eye. Dean is staring out at the ocean, but Cas can see he’s nervous, waiting for his reply.

            He raises a brow, “Why are you still wearing that?”

            “Because I-wait, what?” Dean startles, turning to the other.

            “If I recall,” Castiel looks away, “you weren’t a fan of how the people here dressed.”

            “Well…” Dean furrows, “I mean, yeah, but I can’t say the look isn’t good on me.”

            “It is,” Cas says. He frowns, “…Objectively, of course.”

            “Sure…”

            Silence falls between them, nothing but the waves crashing back and forth together. Dean pulls his legs down, and he rests his hands on the bench, one dangerously close to Castiel’s. They stay like this for some time, letting the sea air waft between them, softly ruffling their hair.

            Suddenly, Dean stands.

            “What are you-“

            “Come with me,” Dean holds his hand out to Castiel.

            “Dean,” Castiel stares, wide-eyed, at Dean’s hand, “Why should I-“

            “Please, Cas,” Dean interrupts, “Nothing bad, I promise. Cross my heart an’ everything.”

            Castiel stares at Dean’s hand for another beat before looking up into Dean’s eyes. They are less confident than Dean’s stance, and the green waves a bit. Castiel takes a breath and puts his hand in Dean’s, letting himself get pulled up and dragged away.

            He’s curious, more so when Dean leads them down steps and onto the sand, closer and closer to the waves. He stops halfway down the beach and kneels down.

            “What’re you doing?” Cas asks, squinting at Dean.

            “Taking my boots off, Cas,” Dean stands, one in his hand, “I’m not dumb enough to get my leather wet.”

            “But… why?”

            “So I can stand in the waves?” Dean looks up at him, midway with taking the other boot off, “Haven’t you ever read a Nicholas Sparks book before?”

            “I know you’ll find it hard to believe, Dean,” Cas rolls his eyes, “but I have been a bit… _busy_.”

            “Right, how could I forget” Dean grumbles to himself, but still loud enough for Castiel to hear. Castiel ponders Dean’s response for a bit, but not that long. Dean’s back upright, socks tucked into his boots and his pant legs rolled up to his knees. He’s staring at Castiel.

            “Well?”

            “Well what?”

            “Wanna join me?” Dean huffs, “Like, today?”

            “No.”

            Dean blinks at Castiel, mouth agape. But Castiel’s small smile clues Dean in that he’s kidding. Dean rolls his eyes and pushes Castiel with his free hand.

            “Hurry up,” Dean laughs, turning away. He walks forward, his feet submerging in an oncoming wave.

            Castiel stares at him a bit before bending down himself and repeating Dean’s actions. Once his other pant leg is rolled up far enough, he gathers his shoes in his hands and walks to where Dean is. They stand side by side as the waves roll back and forth over them.

            Castiel takes a deep breath, and smiles.

            ‘ _This does feel nice_ ,’ Castiel thinks. He looks over at Dean. His mouth falls open a bit seeing how the sun lights up his features. He can feel his face heat up. Dean turns and says something, something Castiel completely misses.

            “Um, sorry?” Castiel stutters, blushing, “Can you repeat that?”

            Dean laughs. “I said this is nice, I can’t remember the last time I was at a beach.”

            “Neither can I,” Castiel says, looking away, “feels like millennia ago.”

            “Same.”

            There’s another beat of silence before Dean sighs. Castiel looks over at him again, a questioning glint in his eyes.

            “You know what, Cas?”

            “What?”

            “These moments,” Dean smiles, “they’re what make our lives all worth it.”

            “Dean?”

            “How are you doing, Cas?” Dean turns, staring at him.

            “I’m fine,” Castiel says immediately.

            “No,” Dean continues, “You’re not.”

            “Dean-“

            “Cas, please,” Dean says, “I just want to know what’s wrong.”

            “Who said anything was wrong?” Castiel growls; he looks away. He balls his fists into his coat pockets and kicks at the wet sand.

            “No one had to say anything, Cas,” Dean starts, “I have eyes.”

            Dean doesn’t say anything more. But Castiel can feel his eyes burning into the back of his skull. Castiel huffs.

            “Is this enough?”

            “What?”

            Castiel turns to face the sun, “The sunrise? The ocean? Is this all someone needs to give their lives meaning?”

            Something flickers across Dean’s face. He frowns, and reaches a hand out to grip Castiel’s arm.  

            “Is this about Lucifer-“

            “Please, Dean-“

            “No, Cas, stop,” Dean says, harshly, “Stop pushing me away!”

            “I’m not doing anything of the sort,” Castiel fires back, full body turning to push against Dean.

            “Take it from someone who knows,” Dean huffs, “Just let me in-“

            “You want that?”

            “Of course!” Dean yells. He stops, takes a deep breath. “Cas,” he whispers, “please.”

            Castiel stares as Dean’s bottom lip quivers and turns away. He takes a few ragged breaths.

            “Dean,” Castiel starts, “I just-maybe Lucifer is right? That everything… all we’ve done… means _nothing_ -“

            “Cas,” Dean pleads, “don’t start talking like that-“

            “Why are we fighting?” Cas turns, continuing, “Lucifer can’t be stopped? Why do we even try?”

            “Because,” Dean says, “Because of this.”

            “Dean, there’s got to be more than the view-“

            “No, Cas, not the freakin’ sunrise. I’m talking about _this_ ,” he gestures between them, “What I was talking about before. It’s the people we care about-they’re who we do this for. What helps give meaning to life.”

            “… _How_?”

            Dean blinks.

            “By just-by being there, Cas,” Dean says, “It’s… I mean, well-it’s like this-you could have everything you ever wanted, y’know, all the power… the glory, but without anyone to share it with you’re never gonna be happy! I mean, why do you think Lucifer’s throwing his little tantrum?”

            “So is that the fate of people with no one? With no meaning” Castiel asks, “To throw sand into the wind and get nothing in return?”

            “For some,” Dean shrugs, “it all differs, person to person.”

            “So what about me?”

            Dean steps back. He gapes, openly at Cas, before he finds his voice.

            “You-you can’t be serious.”

            “I am, Dean.”

            Castiel plops down, uncaring of getting his clothes soaked in salt water. He tosses his shoes behind him and leans his elbows against his knees. The waves have stretched further in, and cover his lap.

            “What will happen to me?” Castiel asks, to no one, “Will I just go on doing what’s expected… or will I die in a blaze of glory?”

            “Cas…” Dean whispers.

            Castiel doesn’t reply, just stares. Dean looks around, and then tosses his own shoes off to the side along with his phone. He crosses the short distance towards the angel and plops down next to him. Castiel doesn’t stir. Dean’s face is red, and again looks around. Then, with eyes closed, he quickly grabs Castiel’s hand and crushes it within his.

            Castiel’s eyes widen. He looks over at Dean. Dean doesn’t look at him.

            “I don’t know how far your head is shoved up your ass, Cas,” Dean grumbles, “but it must be pretty far if you can’t see how much you mean to everybody… no, screw it-how much you mean to _me_. You want to know what’s gonna happen to you. You’re gonna sit here, with me, and we’re gonna just let the tide come in.”

            Castiel can only stare at Dean. He doesn’t say anything. Dean keeps going.

            “Because… because no matter where you are, what you’re doing, I want you to know how much I lo- _care_ about you. You’re one of the people who give _my_ life meaning, Cas. And I don’t care how many times I have to repeat it before it gets through your _thick_ _skull_.”

            “Dean…”

            “Now shut up and just… sit here with me.”

            Dean squeezes Castiel’s hand once more and takes shaky breaths. Castiel gulps, and does as he’s told. They sit there, half-drenched, as the ocean covers them repeatedly. Castiel tries to watch the water, but his eyes keep drifting towards Dean. Dean, for his part, is frozen in his gaze. His freckles stand out against his flushed skin.

            Castiel blinks. Then, he smiles: large, with teeth. He squeezes Dean’s hand. Dean spins his head around.          

            “Thank you Dean,” Castiel says, “I… I needed this.”

            “No problem, Cas,” Dean replies, “You just… we don’t have get much. So when you find your meaning… well, you have to hold tight and make sure nothing takes it away.”

            Castiel squeezes Dean’s hand again. “I’ll be sure to do just that.”

            Dean’s eyes widen before a surprised laugh bursts out. This releases a litany of chuckles from the two, and Castiel knocks his forehead against Dean’s shoulder. Soon the laughter dies down into rushed breaths, and Castiel looks up into Dean’s eyes.

            Dean’s smile slowly drops, and he gulps. He darts down for a quick look at Castiel’s lips, and licks at his own.

            Castiel swallows, and starts to move his head in closer, until-

            _BZZZZZZZTTTTT_

Dean blinks, and moves away. He stands and walks over to his cell phone, dripping. He scoops it up and answers.

            “What?” he says harshly.

            “…Nothin’. I’m with Cas… we’re just hanging out, Sam, sorry I didn’t invite you. …Listen, we’ll be back soon enough so start untwisting your panties, alright? …Right back at you.”

            He hangs up and glares at his phone.

            “M’sorry about that Cas,” he turns back, “maybe we should-mmfft!”

            Castiel’s arms wrap around Dean’s neck as he pulls him in closer. Dean drops his phone, hands scraping at Castiel’s trenchcoat. He squeezes his hips and does the same. They don’t let go for a long time, and Dean’s gasping for breath once they do.

            “That was… that was…” Dean smirks, “ _Wow!_ ”

            “Yes,” Castiel smiles, fingers playing with Dean’s hair, “My thoughts exactly.”

            They stare at each other for a beat before Dean pecks Castiel one more time. Then he pulls away to pick up his phone. He puts it in his pocket, mind running on autopilot, when he realizes how wet his jeans are. Or, how wet they should be.

            “Why am I suspiciously dry?”

            “Angel grace,” Castiel smirks innocently, “it’s a great thing.”

            “Good,” Dean bends down to pick up his shoes, “Was worried about Baby for a sec. Salt water ain’t good for the interior.”

            Castiel, shoes already in hand, stands next to him, “Is that all you care about?”

            Dean shoots him an impish grin before grabbing his hand. “One of many.”

            Castiel blushes, and says nothing, walking with Dean back on the boardwalk and towards Baby.

            All he needs is right there with him.

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoy? Leave a kudos or a comment and let me know!


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